Funny racing jokes
- My car is so old that when I start it, the neighbors think I have opened a new shop.
- My car horn is so weak that even cats are not afraid of it.
- I took my car to a doctor and he said it needs rest.
- My car battery is so weak that I have to milk it every day.
Jokes about racing
- I drove so fast in a race that time said to me, "Take it easy, I'm with you!"
- A man drove his car so fast that a traffic policeman stopped him and said, "Why are you going so fast?" The man replied, "I'm running for my life!"
- I drove so fast in a race that my car said to me, "Brother, give me some water!"
Jokes about drivers
- A man drove his car so fast that he thought he was flying.
- One driver drove so fast that he felt he was running behind time.
- A man drove his car so fast that he thought he was the hero of a movie
| What do you get when dinosaur drivers crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks. |
keep trying to watch racing on my computer, but every time I press the F1 key, it just opens a help window. |
| Why should Microsoft, Intel, and Nvidia get into the motorsport business? They already have the best drivers. |
Why do motorsport drivers have expert relationship advice? They are trained to look for red flags. |
| Why do DJs make terrible drivers? They keep changing tracks. |
Motorsport drivers do not eat before a race, so they do not get Indy-gestion. |
| Why do electric cars finish the race early? Because they are on a short circuit. |
Why are there no snowmen racing in F1? Because they never make it through the warm-up. |
| Why are snail speedsters painted with a big ‘S’ on the hood? Because fans get to shout, “Look at that S-car go!” |
What do you call a speedster made of French bread? A Baguetti Veyron. |
| Why do Matthew McConaughey fans make terrible NASCAR drivers? Because they go al-right, al-right, al-right. |
What milk did Michael Schumacher feed his children? Formula One. |
| What did the racehorse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup. |
It is easy to tell when NASCAR fans watch Formula 1 events. They tap you on the shoulder and ask, “Are we watching the qualifying?” |
| Have you heard the one about the runaway racehorse? It’s a terrible tale of WHOA. |
Some racehorses are hanging out in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 14 races, I’ve won seven of them!” Another horse chimes in: “Well in the last 25 races, I’ve won 18!” “That’s impressive, but in the last 35 races, I’ve won 28!” says another. At this point, the horses notice a greyhound in the stable. “I don’t mean to brag,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 80 races, I’ve won 78 of them!” The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!” |
| What is one of the hardest times to win a horse race? 12:31, because it is 29 to 1. |
How do you make a small fortune out of horses? Start with a large fortune. |
| Why was the racehorse feeling so stressed? He was saddled with responsibility. |
Why did the owner name his racehorse ‘Bad News’? Because bad news travels fast. |
A person: I cut a big man's pocket today.
Second: It's amazing... how?
First: I am a tailor.
Mother: Me! These are your dirty handprints on the door.
Son: No, mother! I kick open the door.
Stupid Citizen: Why doesn't the cow in front of you have horns?
Villager: There are many reasons for not having horns, some of them break their horns and some of them we cut them off, but the cow in front does not have horns because it is not a cow, it is a horse.
Teacher: How many legs does a buffalo have?
Student: Sir! Even a fool will tell this.
Teacher: That is why I am asking you.
Teacher: Tell about famous battles.
Pupil: Mother has forbidden to talk about the house.
A person: Can you tell, cow is useful or goat?
Second: I think a goat is useful, because a cow once hit me.
Once a man came to Caliph Haroon al-Rashid and said to him, I have to go on Hajj. Help me. The Khalifa said, look brother! If you are a scholar, then you must perform Hajj, otherwise why do you perform Hajj?
Hearing this he said:
"I came to ask for help as a king, not to ask for a fatwa as a mufti.
Teacher: Name five fruits.
Pupil: Three apples and two malts.
A person: What do you think of this boy?
Second: This is my distant brother.
First: What do you mean by distant brother?
Second: There is a distance of ten brothers between me and him.
A man went to an astrologer and asked:
"Tell me! What's going to happen in a little while."
He replied that I don't know, the man slapped him hard on the face and said:
"It was going to happen."
One journalist was saying to another:
"So-and-so journalist sold out, so-and-so sold his pen after taking so much money, he has defamed the sacred profession of journalism. Therefore, every journalist and writer has sold out, but I have not sold out till today.
The other heard all this and said:
"Brother, the newspaper you write in has never been sold, then how can you be sold?"
One friend was saying to another:
"Man, he was his friend, lawyer Ahmed Khan, wasn't he... the one who was fond of getting to the bottom of everything."
Another asked in shock:
"What happened to them?"
Originally Answered:
"They drowned?"
A miserly man was walking with his hand over his left eye. One person asked:
"What happened brother! What happened to the eye?
he replied:
"Nothing! Why use the other when one eye works?
A friend staying in the hostel asked another:
"What's wrong, you're so worried?"
Another replied:
"What can I do, my friend, I wrote a letter to the family to send 500 rupees to buy a table lamp, they sent the table lamp."
Father: Son, let me get another mother for you.
Son: She won't ask me to go to school.
A villager went to a big hotel and ordered tea. Bera brought some tea in a small cup. He finished the tea in one gulp and said:
"Sweet, okay, bring tea."
A child asked his mother to buy a flag of Pakistan. The mother asked the shopkeeper to show the flag. He showed the flag and said:
"Show it in another color."
WIFE (on phone) Come home quickly, Mane has swallowed a needle.
Professor Husband: I am very busy, take a needle from the neighbor and get the job done.
Wife: The rose you planted has not yet taken root.
Mian: How do you know?
Wife: I take it out everyday.
A friend: (injuring the other) If I sit in my car in the morning and go out to see my land, I won't be able to see the whole land till evening.
Second: Chuch-chuch! A long time ago we also had a similar car.
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